Another day. Another dollar.
Watching Home Improvement again. Tim Allen is great and very funny. This episode is the “Flirting” Episode.
LOL. Two women “flirted” with the cop and Tim to get their way. Do women who flirt get away with more than men?
I try and I can’t seem to get the hang of it well. Either I overdo it or I don’t do it at all. There never seems to be a happy media.
Watching “This hour has 22 Minutes”. Great show with lots of humour and satire.
Nothing interesting happened today. Two weeks ago + One wrong medication = drama and no sleep.
I totally took sleep and calamity for granted. Not any more.
Tomorrow is my good friend Lena’s birthday. She is heading for a milestone this year. I hope it’s a good one Lena.
I am watching Home Improvement. Very Funny. and in this episode very touching.
Have a great evening.
Today I was at a wonderful blues festival in Porquis Junction, Ontario. it featured many acts such as: Tim Vaughn, Erin McCallum and a perennial favourite, Rita Chiarelli.
Of course there were more acts. Each act has an hour and forty-five minute set and the cost was $30 for the entire weekend. You got your bang for your buck.
I will make plans to attend next years festival; but this time with a mate or a good friend.
Wish you all the best tonight Internet land.
This past week has been quite rough. I need a vacation; however, I haven’t spent a year at my work yet. I just feel burned-out and I hope that it will end soon enough.
Hope your weekend is going well.
See you soon.
We are at 30C here in beautiful downtown Timmins. My car recorded 35 on my way home. I hope that my new house will have air conditioning. It is so hot… that you can steam your vegetables in the air. And boy is it humid. I think there will be a puddle of me on the floor if we continue on with this heat wave. If I had a fan at least I would be more comfortable. I am on day 19 on showering everyday. I don’t know how I managed hot day without a cool shower. Satan is still trying to make me be lazy and it is hard to fight. I was told by a Chuck Swindoll’s Insight for Living that you should just ignore these voices and to focus on the task at hand.
Oh by the way. I am getting a new motorbike sometime in the near future and I will be taking my M licence test on July 9th. Wish me luck. My dad will be riding with me as well. I am too happy for words. My father will stay with me for 2 weeks until Sunday.
I also might be getting a new house I am getting an offer prepared and I hope that I do get it. Parking in beautiful Timmins is a terrible and dry joke. Can’t park here, can’t park there, Can’t seem to park any any where. So I think that I am mature enough and strong enough to buy a house. It isn’t the bungalow that I want but it has everything else. a Porch, swimming pool. I am one blessed lady to have found a house like this one.
So I hope no one melts and I wish you all a blessed evening.
Another starry night here in Beautiful downtown Timmins and I am 7 days in taking a shower everyday and now I feel rather icky now. As in like I want to shower right now. I am still scared of how all of this will turn out; but in the end, I have God to help me through this. He is an awesome God for putting up with me. Romans 8:38-39. Knowing that He is there for me is a great weight lifted off my shoulders and I praise God for this gift.
As I said before, this journey wasn’t going to be easy; today I realize that I still have bad thoughts about me killing myself. I definitely need to talk to someone about this. And I have been repenting for my bad deeds and thoughts to the Lord. I also have much forgiving to do. Colossians 3:13
I think about Exodus 4:10-11 when Moses made excuses of returning to Egypt and God was telling him basically that He will look after him. This tells me that no matter what struggles I have, God will take care of me just like he took care of Moses.
God gives us struggles to help us learn our lessons. My lesson is this: Satan is everywhere and will try to sway you away from your goals and dreams, your purpose. Nothing pleases Satan more than to steer somone away from true happiness and fulfillment. Now I know which voices to listen to and which ones not to listen. Sometimes I still get confused; but, I am getting better at discerning these voices.
May these words bring you peace and joy and may it bring you closer to God.
It has been over one month since I started my meds and only three weeks since I started on my anti-psychotic. When the voices go away you get really bored easily and want to do something… anything to keep yourself occupied. I have my new bowflex to keep me busy in the mornings and television; which by the way I am watching much less. I am so bored that I still go to sleep in the days just to keep myself occupied. However, there is major progress though, I have now showered every single day since June 4th so this is REAL progress; trust me you didn’t want to be near me after 7 days without a bath. I am a little more at ease meeting new people. Three pills a day can do so much.
I still want to buy my house with a new music studio and a sewing studio as well. And I will have a dog to love when I move into my new home. God, is in everything that I do now. I still get halucinations; but, it is much less and I am more aware of reality now. So it is good. I always knew that this wouldn’t come as easily as intended. But it will come with time.
God is a gracious God to help me realize my journey and to realize that I have so much potential.
Have a Happy Sunday to all.
Is it appropriate for a woman to learn to ride a motorcycle?
I am serious. And please comment. I have old-fashioned parents who still think that I shouldn’t do this. Please let me know that I am on the right track!!!
Thanks a bunch!
edit: did you see the Detroit and Chi-town play for the Western Conference. Starting the Third Period at 0 – 0. This one’s a nailbiter; you can tell because the Chicago coach is just about to explode; He looks so serious and sinister. I know that Detroit will get it in the end.
Life is funny sometimes. You think that all is well and that something is going to happen the way you think and it always comes out wrong (for me anyways). I have made some fantastically stupid errors in my meek and weak judgments. I wonder sometimes why things turn out the way they do; even if you think that everything is done correctly in your part. Still the unexpected happens and usually leads me to anger, frustration and resentment towards people who really have it all together and they seem to always get what they want when they want.
For my whole life I had to deal with this type of situations and always with the lack of support from my family and friends; some friends stopped being my friends for what I did. I found out what I needed to do to make these voices stop.
On Saturday May 2nd, 2009 at around 12:30-ish pm, I went to the hospital to talk to a crisis worker; she gave me some pills for my depression. They are helping me quite a bit. Funny, how it takes something so simple as a pill to change your attitude sometimes; I only wish I could do this myself. Depression is so heavy and bleak that you need medicine to help you along the way with God’s infinite wisdom and grace.
On Saturday May 16, 2009, I realized that my condition was worse than I thought. But this story begins on a hot June day of 2005. I was at the library just reading a book; I was unemployed, living with a wonderful family, and trying to find a job. As I was leaving the library, I spotted a brochure for Schizophrenia. Something deep inside me told me to read it and therefore, I did. As it happens, the symptoms for psychosis matches the symptom I have. Since that day I have been trying to get an assessment; however, finding a family doctor in the “Great White North” is harder than finding a needle in a haystack. So I didn’t get a doctor to assess me; but, I went to the Schizophrenic association and called them and they told me that I didn’t have Psychosis. I just couldn’t shake the fact that I did, though. Fast track to May 16th; I went again to the hospital and told the crisis worker that I had the symptoms of Psychosis. So I got a anti-psychotic as well. Well, wouldn’t you know it. Not only did my mood changed; so did my realities too. I become more focused and I realized that I am a “today” kind of person and not the tomorrow or yesterday. So I started to plan on what could be done today.
I did a few things; such as finding a house (I will be visiting the realtor tomorrow (Monday)). I practice my cello for two days straight and I worked out on my bowflex every single day for about an hour a day. The old me would have just stayed in bed all day Saturday and Today.
Because I have Depression with Psychosis tendencies, I don’t feel that I should have a husband or a partner. I wouldn’t want to have them put up with me. I am unable to love and I need to learn this first if I am to get married. Reading the bible really helps me understand what love is about and I just don’t do these things ( if you are interested please read 1 Peter 3:1-14 and 1 Corinthians 11:1-8). I really need to find out more about myself in my new state of mind. It is going to be an adventure; I can tell you that right now. What I know for sure is that future is not mine to see; however, living for today is very pleasing to the Lord and will help me find myself. Then, if I am not too, too old, I will find a mate for me. I have to be ready for Mr. Right and I am just not ready yet.
And now I look back and think if I only knew about this much sooner; I have always had these tendencies since I was a little girl (around 6-ish). All the mistakes that could have been saved, all the things that I shouldn’t have done. Shucks, if only I wasn’t so proud, I would have been married by now. Thankfully knowing my limits has brought me much peace and joy inside. I will accept the fact that I am not your average person or that I have a mental illness. I will accept the fact that people are human and will judge me accordingly and I will accept the fact that I am unlovable and not worthy of being loved by that someone special until I learn how to love someone. I am just so clueless, you have no idea. Heck, I have no idea!
I know, I know, accepting that you have an illness is half the battle but there is always the other half. I just have to do my best and that is all that I have to do. Sometimes I don’t think that my best is good enough for me. That has to change. My best will have to do and that scares the sh@t out of me because I only want the best in life and nothing else will do and if my best doesn’t come up to par with my standards than I know that I will be disappointed.
Acceptance is critical and a nuisance. Well my new and wonderful adventure begins now…
Good night internet land!
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